A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
"Oh My God - Hurry! Grab your clothes," she yelled to her lover. "And jump out the window. My husband's home early!"
I can't jump out the window!" came
the strangled reply from beneath the sheets. "It's raining out there!"
"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied.
"He's got a very quick temper and a very large gun! The rain is the least of your problems!"
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window!
As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon.
He started running along beside the others about 300 of them.
Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to "blend in" as best he could.
It wasn't that effective!
After a little while, a small group of runners, who had been studying him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.
"Oh yes" he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully free having the air blow over all your skin while you're running."
Another runner moved alongside. "Do you always run carrying your clothes under your arm?"
"Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!"
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried. "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"
"Only if it's raining."
A young lady went to a dance,and she had a low-cut, strapless gown on. Around her neck she wore a little golden airplane on a long chain.
All night she noticed a young man staring at her.
In her embarrassment, she held up the airplane and said, "Oh, you like my airplane, huh?"
The young man smiled mischievously. "No ma'am, I was just admiring the landing field."
Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I really sick Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work."
The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon........You got nice house."
Customer : "My wife needs a bra but, i dnt know the size."
Sales girl : "Touch my breast and try to calculate."
Customer : "Oh ! I forgot she needs panties too..."
After a long night of making love the young guy rolled over, was looking
around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on a desk in the
distance.
Naturally, the guy began to worry.
'Is this your husband?,' he inquired nervously.
'No, silly,' she replied, snuggling up to him.
'Your boyfriend then?,' he asked.
'No, not at all,' she said, nibbling away at his ear.
'Well, who is he then?,' demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, 'That's me before the operation.'
Nipple nipple little star, can I press you in my car? Up above the breast so high, always milky never dry. Come to my mouth don't feel shy, in the bra you will die.
A farmer tried cow's milking machine on his penis and had great fun but could not remove it. He read the manual and fainted. It said: Auto-release after 5 litres.....
Boyfriend wanted sex with girlfriend but was shy of his small penis size. He took her to a pitch dark room and gave his penis in her hand. She said: "Sorry, I don't smoke."
25 useless things in a man's body:
20 nails you can't hammer, 2 tits you can't milk, 1 cock that doesn't crow and 2 balls you can't throw
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